Friday, December 31, 2010

Hello You!!

“Another fresh new year is here . . .

Another year to live!

To banish worry, doubt, and fear,

To love and laugh and give!



...This bright new year is given me

To live each day with zest . . .

To daily grow and try to be

My highest and my best!



I have the opportunity

Once more to right some wrongs,

To pray for peace, to plant a tree,

And sing more joyful songs
 
 
 
Prompt: Core story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)

This past year has been a year of discovery. Discovering self - my creative self, my inner strength, self love, and learning how to show my self to the world.  I share my geniune self through my art, through acts of kindness, through honesty, by living and acting upon my ethics and values, and my continuous efforts to be the best I can be.

This year was a year of discovering true love. The kind of love that mere words cannot describe. Once in an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale. I am so thankful to have not settled for a life without it.



I re-discovered my daughter...under her own pain and hurts she is still there, and I am so glad she's back. Together we can truly do anything!

Together we are family.

In 2011 I will continue forward, and enjoy all that has been discovered.



Direction

Prompt: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn't go for it?

I want to go to a naturopath in the New Year, learn guitar, launch my website, take some art/photography courses, I still have yet to skinny dip, and mostly travel outside of Canada...or in Canada, as long as I travel somewhere new.



Prompt: Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?

Love healed me. The love of a great man,  wonderful and supportive family, fantastic friends. Love truly heals all things.

Prompt: Future self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)

Dear Sara,

Please don't worry about your future. Just believe in yourself and take chances. Trust your intuition and know that you have what it takes. Smile, be happy. Live, love and laugh!

xoxo
Yourself

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Eve, Joy and the Outdoors

Prompt: New name. Let's meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?

I'm sure I would choose Eve. It happens to be my middle name and a traditonal family name as well. I like that it is simple, different and beautiful. 


Prompt: Photo - a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.
I chose this picture...as I am in my favorite place, doing my favorite thing with some of my favorite people! Relaxed and happy. And it was my love who captured the moment.

Prompt: Ordinary joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

I believe this year I found the most joy when I was outside. I got outdoors more this year and truly loved it. The wind, the birds, the sun, the fresh air. Whether it was biking, hiking, walking, stomping, running, or just plain old cloud watching..the best moments were in the outdoors.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Take A Look around...You're already there




Prompt: 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

1.Worry
2.Guilt
3.Doubt
4.Drama
5.Boredom
6.Shame
7.Failure
8.Resentment
9.Toxins
10.Hurt
11.Fear

I want to Fly in 2010. Let go and just Be. I am taking hold of the reins, and no letting anyone or any event dictate who I should be.

I have been busy and learned much in the past few years, and I want 2011 to be about transforming that knowledge into something wonderful. I am starting right now, by forgiving. This is a wholly selfish thing mind you...i forgive for my sake alone. There is no need to hold on to any of the above feelings..doing so only hurts myself. By forgiving and letting go of negatives, I make way for more positives...and that can only amount to more happiness.

Prompt: 5 minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

"Meeting" my love and , My daughter saying, "I Love You" again


Prompt: Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

That I AM good enough just by being me, and I am stronger than even I understood

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Every Time We Love, Every Time We Give, It's Christmas

OOoooops..I posted my latest prompts on my other blog by accident...Check that out at.....Gratitude


Here's a great link to Zen Habits....where they discuss how to attain Peace...which is all i want for Christmas!


One of my fav christmas songs, by one of my favorite guys...



I like the Michael Buble version better, but this is the one I could find with lyrics. They strick a chord with me at this time of year, and the pictures really tell a story. This is what Christmas means to me...



Here are some decorations around my new place...





 This Is At My Love's House...our xmas silohuettes

 My First Ever Poinsetta

 And look what I found.....


The Best Ever Christmas movies

And Some more Christmasy Pics to get you in the mood....










Okay...just one more tune



Happy Holidays to you all!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Not All Who Wander, Are Lost

Prompt2: Writing. What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing -- and can you eliminate it?


Well....
 
Work, singlemomdom, and creative pursuits in general are what keep me busy, and from writing each day. I can not eliminate any of these things, nor do I wish it to be so! In fact, after I lost my job as a creative copywriter many moons ago, I had a lot of trouble writing at ALL. So, in 2009-2010 I found blogging, and although I wish I could get here more often....I feel that I have overcome my doubts about my writing abilities and have learned to love it once again.
 
Prompt3: Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).
 
My bike is purple. And it's the coolest thing EVER! On a warm sunny afternoon, zooming down by the river with the wind in my hair, and a smile on my face. My Love cruising alongside me. That's when I feel completely alive.


Prompt4: Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

Wonder...I feel as though 2010 was full of the stuff. I had thought after 2009's debacle of events, that I was set to live my life alone. I had braced myself for this fact, and had deliberately decided that love wasn't worth it. Wonder of wonders....life had other plans for me. And as the saying goes, when you stop looking that's where you'll find it. Before my very eyes all along, where I least expected it, when I had no intentions of doing so, I fell in love. And it has given me such tremendous joy and satisfaction. It has taught me to never, say never. Miracles DO happen. Something I thought was so horrible, was actually a blessing in disguise. I could have spent my entire life being miserable, with the wrong someone. Instead...I was given another chance to be with the one I truly was meant for. Everything happens for a reason....I know that is true.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Discovery

Normally, I wouldn't do this...just for the fact that others are, and I tend to shy away from trends. But this trend is GREAT!! I love it...it's a way to take stock of the year that was. A way to actively work towards owning the year that has yet to be.
If you haven't already...get on it.....Reverb 10







Prompt: One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you're choosing that word. Now, imagine it's one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?




DISCOVERY:
 
I thought long and hard for a word that would sum up 2010. I finally came up with DISCOVERY for the following reasons.
 
 I discovered true love. I had been told, and had read that when you finally find your Mr. Right you'll just 'know' I thought I had known this before, but I discovered that, that was just me, convincing myself. My Love is my prince, a man I completely trust, and feel safe being myself with.  He is truly my soul mate and carries my heart, in his heart.
 
 
 
I discovered....my creative side again! I spent much time doing things I have always longed to. I explored my love of photography, art, design, writing, crafting and cooking. Taking time for these things has brought me so much joy and happiness.
 
 
 
I found strength. More than I thought I possessed. I dug deep, and found that life goes on, and you can be happy, even happier than before, if you just keep moving forward.
 
 
 
 
I discovered gratitude. It's in the littliest things, in the tiniest of moments, that truly inspire. Family, friends, laughing, a smile, giving to others. To keep positive and remember that there is so much to be thankful for.
 
 
 

 
I discovered family. A new one,(in my new step-girlies-they opened my heart to even more love) and one that has always been there, but had gotten a bit bogged down by a series of misfortunate events. My daughter and I have finally come through this stronger, and better. We found each other again. To hear her say, " I love you," in return was the best moment! To see her progress makes me so proud!
 
 
 
 
 I learned to say No...that I can't be everywhere and do everything. I am not perfect, and that is ok. . I try hard to be a good girlfriend, friend, daughter, sister, Mom, family member, co-worker. Sometimes I can't be all these things at once, and sometimes I don't get it right, but I try....that is enough. And people that truly 'get it' will still be there.
 
I discovered ME again....or possibly for the first time. I had gotten lost in the fray...At the beggining of 2010 I was lost, and treading water just to keep my head above it all. But by keeping on, and taking baby steps forward I discovered what truly makes me smile.
 
 
 
 
DISCOVERY!!
 
And for 2011...word bird selects....
 
PEACE!
 
I hope for peace, quiet and a chance to breathe in 2011. I would like to feel settled. To stop looking around the corner for the next shoe to drop, or the next crisis. No drama, just living in the happiness and joy I have found.
 
 

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Battle of Candidaland: Part 1




So.....I had a colonoscopy/endoscopy on Monday.

What a pain in the...derriere! A necessary evil, I do understand, but...GROSS!! Even for me. I say this, as I have been suffering from major stomach problems for quiet sometime now, and poop in all forms has become a regular topic of conversation with me. I am very in tune with my bowel movements because I have to be.
I didn't know about the endoscopy before hand. Probably a good thing, as that part was ROUGH!! First of all, the sedative they gave me, didn't knock me out completely, as I had to be somewhat coherent for the swallowing of this tubular camera. That was....trippy...that's really the only thing I can think of. A scene from a movie, or strange music video by Kesha. I felt like I was very drunk, or been slipped some date rape drug. The radio was on so the tunes were pumping, the nurse was holding me down because I was fighting (I couldn't breathe...i was stuffed up and once that tube got jammed down my pipe, my body went into panic mode!) and my gag reflux was kickin' in big time. I could see the monitor but all I could make out was a whirlwind of strange pics. Like what you see whizzing by you from a roller coaster, when you're upside down, dizzy and going full speed ahead.
I think I will be haunted by this forever. I was knocked out and violated. For my own good!!!!
THEN...I came too, was back to my 'normal' self, and went home.


And tried to sort out what the H.E. double hockey sticks to make of these lovely portraits they gave me!
Out of 8 somewhat normal looking pictures, one looked like what I would guess the inside of a tornado looks like. It's all white, kinda greenish/grey looking. It does not belong. There is something horridly wrong with it. I believe it is my stomach...from my Internet investigations.
I also believe it to be Candida Albicans (fancy name for overgrowth of yeast). This is a new thing for me, so I researched the S@#t (ha ha...the puns are so punny!) out of it.
Now apparently this Candida can cause some serious damage to a body. All kinds of theories aside,(pharmacutical company conspiracy theory?? hmmm....) people need to know more about this!!!! Due to circumstance, I consider myself quite knowledgeable in all areas gut related...and I had no clue. If it causes as many of the symptoms as indicated and leads to so many health problems, not to mention work/mental and other issues....than I can't fathom why I have never even heard of such a thing before. I mean I have heard of yeast infections of the vag-jay jay of course, but I had no idea if could occur anywhere else! People can die if it gets into the blood stream and cause sepsis! Although what I've been through regarding my evil guts, is a rather personal matter, and not  a joy to discuss, I HAVE to share my findings. I think more people need to be aware. It's an epidemic of disastrous proportions.

Info about Candida here

Candida Diet info



I'm always in for a challenge, so I am jumping into this diet thing with both feet. I can't see my specialist until December, who could still diagnosis something different, but my family doctor agreed with me, and suggested I give it a go as well. Being a vegetarian makes it a double dare, as the diet calls for high-protein...but I won't be headed back to the land of omnivore, so we are getting creative...which ups the fun quotient.


So far...well, the yeast is rebelling. The little arse holios are protesting their lack of sugar in a fierce way. But I am on a mission to show this evil fungi who is da boss.




Day 1

Breakfast:
2 Hard-Boiled eggs

Lunch
Spincach Salad with homemade vingrette

Supper
Cauliflower & Chickpea Curry with rice*

Snacks:
Almonds, Crystal Light Juice, Natural Yogurt with granola and cinnamon, Green Tea


Day 2

Breakfast
Yogurt and Almonds

Lunch
Left-over CC Curry

Supper
Veggie Stir-Fry with Rice

Snacks
Pomegrante Green Tea, Crystal Lite Raspberry Green Tea, Yogurt with Granola, Green Juice (I used, kale, 1 apple, 2 large carrots, 2 celery stalks, handful of spinach, and 1 oz. Aloe Vera Juice)

*Recipe


I am taking a plethora of Supplements:

Renewlife Candigone
Renewlife Candizyme
Renewlife Ultimate Flora
B Complex Liquid
Daily Multi-Vitamin
Vitamin C



I'll keep ya posted on how the battle unfolds!!

In the words of my neice..."Lead on my Fearless leader, You chariot awaits!"

Friday, October 29, 2010

I can't help it....



So, like a forgotten fire, childhood can always flare up again within us.

-

Gaston Bachelard

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Over the Threshold









When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.


The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.


When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.


I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.



On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.


She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.


Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay wouldmake me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!



Share this and, you just might save a marriage.



Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.



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