Thursday, April 30, 2009

Hi ya' stranger!

"They" say that time flys. "They" are correct.

I walked into my house tonight and there was a stranger standing in my kitchen. I was shocked, and a bit scared at first.

I didn't have my glasses on, so I had to look a bit harder.

This feeling, that there's a stranger in my home happens alot lately. Because yesterday that stranger was my lil baby girl....and somehow over night she became not only the same size as me, but someone I cannot comprehend.

When babies cry they are hungry, need a diaper change, or need your attention. I know how to relate to that. I can go to the park for hours, watch Treehouse, and pretend. I can cut sandwiches into little cubes , and chase away the monsters under the bed. Then one day... it's not ' 'Mommy' anymore. It's 'Mom'....said in a voice that sounds like a nagging wife. They look like your baby....but all of a sudden...they aren't your baby anymore. When did an alien possess my child?

I want to relate to this 'stranger' for I think i know her. She looks alot like my baby.. like the child I once knew. I vaguely remember treating my parents in such a manner. I knew EVERYTHING...and they knew NOTHING! They were so extremely uncool...out to get me, and ruin all my fun. They were so not just regular people. They were the enemy.

I have become this...seemingly overnight. The little being whom I once craddled in my arms for hours...talks on the phone for hours, wears short skirts to school, looks back on our way to family night and asks "why are you following me?" and hides her face when I honk as she walks to school because she wouldn't be caught dead being dropped off by "Mom" This person who likes anime, cats, Pokemon, and all kinds of things unknown to me. I do not speak 'teen' apparantely.

It catches me off guard and takes my breath away everyday. I miss my baby, my toddler, my little girl.

I me that someday my 'little girl' will see me as a person. Realize that I did know what I was talking about. Until that day, I will have to find away to be content with my 'backseat', to be the 'uncool' Mom, to watch and guide slyly from the sidelines as my baby becomes the woman she will be someday.

As time ticks on, I have no choice but to face the 'unknown', and try to embrace this stranger that walks amongst me.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Life is what happens when we're busy making plans...

It's been a country song kind of week. Handy Smurf and I got into a knock down, drag out (figuratively speaking) my sister had a baby, my uncle had a heart attack, and my dog ran away. Oh and somewhere in the middle we are having financial specialist look into our mess, a pillow blew up in the washing machine, oh, and my daughter wore the shortest skirt in the world, to school!

It took two days of dancing to expend all my pent up frustration! A few pounding and screaming into my pillow scenarios. And one small "mom moment' cry over where my lil baby girl went.

***Insert big sigh here***

There are so many stories within stories here. I could write about how I forgave Handy because I don't want to waste energy being mad. I could write about the cute, pudgy baby.

I could write how scared I was about the heart attack. How it makes one realize how fleeting life really is. I could write about the panic I held in when I realized the dog was missing. How the finacial specialist got me thinking about money, and the lack there of, and how important, or unimportant it really is. About how fast they grow up. About how the exploding pillow was a metaphor for how I felt inside.

Instead I wanted to remind anyone who reads this (come on....where are all my followers!!!hint intended) to not loose the lesson.

We do not remember days, we remember moments-Ceasar Pavese

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Girl to the Cheese

I am much like a grilled cheese sandwich.

The first food I could make for myself.

I would cook strictly on Max. I was given this nickname for a time, due to this fact. I would burn my grilled cheese regularly. Over time, I learned the lesson that cooking on max wasn't the way to go. As with life...going, going going, full speed ahead without stopping, or going slow. I have learned the joy in slowing down. Taking the time to perfect and make life what I want it to be.

I would make grilled cheese for others. Most often I would burn one side. Flip it,and present the 'good' side. Hide the dark, distasteful underneath. Surprise!! Much the same as I used to represent myself....try to be something I am not. Hide the 'real' me. I know now, the best me, is all of me. The good,the bad, the burnt. Accept it or not. Just the way it is.

The warm,gooey inside. I used to try to be tough. Pretend I did not feel as much as i do. But, like the smooth, delicious flavor....that's one of the best parts. The part that makes me, me. What's inside holds the outer layers together.

A comfort food. I hope I am a comforting friend, family member,wife, and mom. Someone to rely on, when your world is a little cold. Always there. The right ingredients never far from home. A stable, when you have nothing else.

Dressed up and fancy. Or just plain.

Anytime of day.

A little bit sweet. A little bit salty.

Girled Cheese!!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Word up

Words. Powerful, emotional, beautiful, poignant.

Here are a few that I adore!

Calico-It is pretty and rolls so nicely on the tongue

Shiznit-feel so gangsta tough when I say it! FUN!

rheumitoid-strange word. interesting word. hard to spell


azythromyicin- like most medications..hard to pronounce

gargoyle-ugly but cute?





calligraphy-swirly and gorgeous



buttock-best said with an accent

serendipity-repeat repeat repeat


schinanigans-as mentioned previously




voulez vous





polka-fun to dance. fun to say


chihuahua-what a cute lil mouthful

vomit-so horrible but a neat word



ruckus- A word Mom's use alot. "What's with all the ruckus?!"

romper room


per se











extraordinary-i like taking it apart...extra. ordinary

la te da



masticate-to hurt oneself



marmalade- Paddington Bears favorite!!





soliloquy-First heard this word in Shakespeare..shakespeare is another great word

intergrity-I have this word on my mirror. wish more people did


ethereal-a magical word!!

phelgm-sick boogers but so fun to spell

thripple- in balderdash a quess was 'third nipple'...lmao

risque-oooh la la (love ooh la la)

tout suite



menage a trois



leve-no sure on spelling, but it means hurry up in french

francais-french for french









falafel-yummy yummy!!






tit for tat


legume-vegetable in french

vegetable-legume in english


doodle-something is just fun about this



This list could go on, and on to infinity and beyond. There are so many wonderful words!!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009


Dreams. Strange. But intriguingly so. I wonder what they are all about.

When I was young I had this recurring dream about a massive weiner dog. It was as big as a house, and was travelling across the country causing chaos. My dad and uncle would try to capture this huge wiener dog, and it would then try to eat my sister and I would be sad about this. This makes no sense.

The other week I woke up with a jolt. I had dreamt of a chicken spider. Yes....there were chickens, with many legs that crawled walls, and one snuck up behind me and kinda stuck it's neck out at me and clucked. I jumped enough that it woke me up.

A few days ago, I awoke crying my eyes out. I dreamt I was a waitress and I had 3 tables. I had gathered orders for 2, but forgot about the 3rd and the patron yelled at me, as well as did my 'boss'. I was so frustrated and confused by all this...I started to cry in my dream, and woke up just bawling and feeling awful about the entire ordeal!!

I have mentioned my ninja turkey dream, and I have had this one several times. And just so you know, I have nothing against poultry ( I did see a live turkey though at a petting zoo recently, and wow...Fugly. Scary fugly!!) I have terrible nightmares as well...they are vivid and very very real. I feel the terror even after I wake up and sometimes cannot fall back to sleep. And if I do, alot of times I just continue dreaming like I've hit pause on a movie and resumed play!

Not all people remember their dreams. I remember nearly all. The feelings of them linger, and sometimes follow me throughout the day. I have in the past tried to interpret some of them, but now choose to just decide what they mean to me, and me alone. Maybe they mean nothing at all?