Wednesday, March 25, 2009

In my head...'s something I always do. I play my life out like a movie or an episode of my favorite show. A book most of the time though.
I've always done this actually. I wonder how many others actually do this? Maybe I'm the only one? Just walk around doing everyday things, playing it back like the words on a page. Take the past moment for example. In my book it would read...
“And now, she brushes back the hair on her face, reaches down takes a sip of her tea, and continues to pour her thoughts out on the laptop in front of her.”
I've never told anyone that I do this before.
Here's something else I do. When I'm feeling introspective. I ask myself big questions.
Today I ask myself this, from that saying...”Hindsight is 20/20” ...or “If you could just go back and tell yourself then, what you know now!” .
“If you could go back and change things...if you really and truly could go back, and tell your childhood self to...say for example..not take that first drag of cigarette...or not date that person , that you shoulda answered C not B or...that you really should have said yes, or no...would you?
We're not supposed to live with any regrets. Everything happens for a reason! If you did not go through all the things you have, you wouldn't be you.
But do you ever wonder what it would, or could be like? Who you might have become if you'd have just made a different decision. If you had ? Would you be a drug addicted homeless person? Could you have become a doctor? A world renowned philanthropist?A beekeeper? Someone or no-one? Would you like the same food, music? Would you still have the same ethics, or values even?Would your friends be your friends? Would you live here? Or maybe by the ocean?Would your soul mate, still have the same heart? Would your favorite color be the same? Could you go back and stomp on the dreams of that naïve, lil person you once were? Would the you, you used to be, even listen?
Then, I put the two together. I believe it's called daydreaming.
Let's do it together, it's fun.
In the it out like a movie in your head, whatever.... there's a person. It is you. Your voice is the same, you look like you. But a different you. Maybe you're on a plane. As the plane descends, you look out the window, trying to see through the clouds to the city that is below. The plane lands, and you walk out into a different life. This happens again and again. Each time you disembarks, you are you , but circumstances are different. Maybe in one 'life' as you get off the plane,you realize that you are wearing the orange jumpsuit of a criminal, your arms and legs in shackels. Being led off by guards. You look... Sad and pathetic. evil and full of hate. Or, with no feeling at all. And you wonder...what happened to this person? You want to know how you came to be here? Did something traumatic happen? What makes a person get to this point? Will you get back up from rock bottom?
Or not so dramatic...
You stand up in an crisp navy blue business suit, and ask the assistant beside you if she's called and booked your room yet? You reaches down, pick up a briefcase and march off the plane into a blazing sun, answering a cell phone. A high-powered business person. You wonder what you do exactly? Do you live some place warm? What kind of car do you drive? What did you have to do to get here? Does this make you happy?
Or maybe something along the lines of,
A carefree, tree-hugging, hippy landing in Africa on your next mission to save the rainforest. Sandals on your feet, hair that hasn't seen a comb in days.
A high rise window washer. Or a celebrity. A server in a bar. Trailer park trash. A rock star. A dentist.
Or whoever you want to be.
The proud, and lucky owner of a very fantastic, and average life! A genuine and cool human. Doing neat things and having fun doing them. Trying hard every day. Learning from mistakes. Not taking back one moment, because it got you here and you like it here.
It will still be your're still the same you. Doing the things you always do, and have always done.
"She stood up and turned off the computer, smiling to herself, pleased with herself. Somehow, she managed to snag her big toe on the coffee table and hitting the floor with a howl, “Doh,” she said.

No comments: