Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Ghouled Cheese

There is a ghost here, in my home.
My husband, (whom I've chosen to call Handy Smurf, henceforth on this blog) thinks I have lost the last remaining marble but his explaination for the noises doesn't make sense. I think he just wants me to go back to sleep.
So here's the deal:
Smurfette (daughter) couldn't sleep one nite because of strange noises upstairs on the roof. This coming from a girl who slept on the couch for 3 weeks because of the 'hamster ghost' (story in a story....hamster died in her room!...sigh It was blackmail...the only way to get rid of hamster ghost was to get a new one....which i caved into..and 1 week later she let go and it went down the heating register...but slay the ghost it did (??hmm??) and back upstairs she now sleeps. We are not meant to have pet hamsters) Did not believe this tale, but go lay down with her anyways. Fall into awkward sleep on small bed. Wake up...HEAR wierd noises!! Now...I am not one to spazz out, so I considered.'s the middle of winter and -40 in Whoville....spiderman is not lurking up there...theives/killers would be wise enough to use the doors, and there are no branches near. Then...another BANG!! From the other corner!! WTF!!
That's it...I'm waking up Handy Smurf! Who is NOT impressed to awoken from slumber breaking on the roof. Maybe this is correct. Nothing else makes sense. I eventually accept this as truth and fall asleep.
A month goes la la....Beetlejuice is silent.
And THEN...
It was the night before Wednesday, and all was silent. Not a creature was sturring...not even a hamster ghost.
THUNGA BANG! Right beside my head. In my room. Sounded like someone pounding on the wall. As if! I am WIDE awake.
1/2 hr goes by. THUD!!! In the closet. In my room.
1/2 hr or so. WHOMP!! Behind the bed!!
Okay...I reason with myself. THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP!!
Someone is running up and down the stairs??? Smurfette? Nope. No one there.
No one anywhere. I want to be badass. I want to be unafraid. I want to be Ghost Whisperer.
"Stop making a racket please. I am trying to sleep!" I whisper into the night. And I am thirsty but too chickenshit to go to the kitchen. "And could you get me some water?"
No one anywhere.
WHACK! Door. Handy Smurf...GET UP!!!
Now...Handy Smurf checks it all out...and gives me the same 'ice breaking' idea. How can this be?? Ice breaking on the roof, on the 2nd story, making running noises on the stairwell, and pounding noises in our room?? Not buying it. I let him think I did because I'm tough and no nonsense wifey. And he's grumpy when I wake him in the middle of the nite.

But secretly, I feel there's a mischeivous little ghouly bugger here.
I don't mind it living here, as long as it is friendly.
But if I awake to some see-thru little rodent jawing my schnooz during my slumber that's another story!!

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