Saturday, June 5, 2010

Be still my heart

Patience: A minor form of despair disguised as a virtue. ~Ambrose Bierce

I wait. And I wait. I am in limboland...waiting. And I've never been very good at it...but I'm getting all kinds of practice now.

I wait for someone to purchase my house so I may begin my search for a new home. The anticipation of where this may be, when this may be...I want to start my 'new' life NOW.

I have searched, and waiting for my one true love to arrive. He is here now. I want to frolick with him all the rest of my days. To have the other stuff I can relax and enjoy his presence. I want to do that now.

"Why wait?...start now...this very minute. Live it." that's what my mind says.

In some ways I am. But with certain matters, beyond my control I cannot rush.

So...I wait.

I wait for a diagnosis. I wait in waiting rooms, doctors offices, for the specialist appointment, on my porcelian throne for it to be over. I wait for answers.

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I wait for Sept 7th, 2010. I can almost taste the freedom of that day. 1 year. No longer married to it. Free from the mistake I made. Free to officially move on. No longer anyone's wife. Just me. I wait....

I wait for lawyers to do their jobs, I wait for my money back, for the day when she and I can do more than just argue, I wait for the rain to end. For a miracle to occur. I wait for some good news for a change. I wait for Sundays, and days off. I wait in my meantime. I work on my tolerance. I work on my patience.

I can feel it growing, I can hear it's sigh, taste it's sweetness, but I cannot touch. I can sense that it's just around the corner. I want to run out and greet it, give it a great big hug but I know I will just be disappointed as it won't be there...not yet anyway. I grow weary of this constant dance. Of this constant chase. Of it's constant teasing, just out of reach prescence. Time is slipping through our fingers...tomorrow isn't promised to any of us.

Perhaps there is a reason for which is unknown to me that I am being asked to wait...

I have no choice, no control over how long I shall have to wait.

I shall continue. I shall wait..and hope.

Good comes to those who wait.........

No comments: